There was a bug. Now, there is a bloodstain.

I am not particularly squeamish. If i find a spider in my house, i ignore it. When i see silverfish scurrying across my bathroom floor, i let them get on with their day. A moth just flew in my window right now, and i'm chill with that too.

But last night...I met the bug to end all of the bugs. And it was slightly less than chill.

So. Imagine. I have just got off work and walked in the door. It is nearing 1am. I put on an episode of The Girls Next Door and go to the kitchen to pour a glass of Yellow Jersey sauvignon blanc (which by the way, is the best wine evar). All is well, life is good, etc. As I am pouring, I catch a glimpse of something dark scuttling across the kitchen floor. My first reaction is to second guess--no, that can't possibly be anything alive coming for my bare fee..eeeeeet!!!

But it was. It was maybe 3 inches long. 1/2 inch wide. Dark brown. With a BILLION long spindly legs. Like imagine a hot dog spontaneously grows about 30 long skinny legs. That's what this thing looked like. I have never seen anything like it in my life. Its grossness rivaled any bug that my Creepy Crawlers machine ever made.

While i'm busy squealing, it scuttles for cover under the stove. I run to the computer (like a lame-ass) and try to find someone online that will give me moral support. A few minutes of panicked typing later, i look over my shoulder and realize, horrified, that it has somehow migrated to my living room wall. (Considering my living room and kitchen are basically the same thing, this was pretty much inevitable).

I start to shake. And breathe a little too loud. I scurry to the bookshelf and pick up my boyfriend's first year econ textbook. I hold it out in front of me with two hands, trying to find courage for the squish. I take a step. The bug doesn't move. I take another step. It still doesn't move. I shut my eyes tight, make a loud, girly 'ehnnnnnnnnnn' sound and literally RUN towards it.

squuiiiishhhhh.

Bug blood is dripping down the textbook. Left behind on the wall is an exactly imprint of the creepy crawly. But even grosser. All its legs bent in different directions.

Then it starts. I whimper. I flail. I squeal. I stomp my feet. I am having a genuine ANTM cycle 3 Eva-posing-with-tarantula- FREAK OUT. I always thought those girls were overreacting. But now...I understand.

I did manage to regain composure. I drank the wine, which helped. And the carcass is now in the bottom of my garbage can wrapped up in paper towel. But! I have not yet cleaned up the blood from the wall, or the textbook.

I need to keep my guard up. It might have babies.


EDIT: The bug was a house centipede